what God will make of me...

i would really like to believe that the US is a place where people can be successful working outside the norm. and actually, we do have a lot of examples of this, like Bill Gates. because business is entrepreneurial, and money is what talks, those who think outside the box and make money are able to succeed.

and yet, still in our institutions there is a very strong preference for doing things "the way we always have." this is true in many churches. this is true in many law firms. this is true in many companies. is there something about human nature that is only comfortable doing things the way we always have?

i am sure that there must be. i know that at least part of me prefers to have things be the same way all the time. there's some comfort in knowing what to expect. somehow, knowing what to expect gives us confidence. somehow we don't feel that we're risking as much when we choose based on what we know.

apparently i'm too big a risk for Big Law firms. because i don't fit the stereotype. because i didn't go to one of the top tier law schools. because i dare to believe that a different philosophy of teaching law could be just as valid as the old-school traditional methods. because i'm not willing to transfer from a school where i have a full scholarship to a "better" school where i would leave $100,000+ in debt.

apparently i'm also too big a risk for the church - at least my old church. there, it was my ideas about missions, and my willingness to be ready to pick up & go wherever God might lead me. apparently that didn't quite fit with the "way they always did things."

really, i'm ok with not being part of these organizations. i came to terms long ago with my perspective on life. i've actually intentionally chosen my value system. i chose to disassociate with the church i mentioned above because i couldn't handle being around people who weren't open to God's leading when it doesn't seem "rational." i chose to go to a low-tier law school in part because i don't want to waste my life working with people who only see external qualities as the measure of a person's worth. these are my choices, and i'm not sorry that i made them.

but i do wonder, at times, whether the people of God who only make decisions that are rational realize what they are missing, not stepping out by faith & doing something that doesn't "make sense." i wonder if they realize how much you are forced to grow when all you have to hold on to is God.

i wonder whether people who are caught up in money, "success," tradition, or risk-management know that they are missing the joy of living life free to be yourself. i wonder if they realize that the people who think outside the box are the people that made our nation so "successful" in the first place. i wonder if they understand that the entrepreneurial spirit is what sets us apart from other nations.

so i am unapologetic for the choices i have made. i will never regret living life as the person God created me to be. i will never regret being willing to risk.

i am simply fascinated to see what i will make of life, and what life will make of me, and what God will make of both.