blue like jazz

so i finally read the book - blue like jazz... i tried to read it once before, but i couldn't get thru the first few pages. honestly it's just not my reading style.

but this time i was able to get past the writing style and hear the story. and in many ways it's like my story. it's the story of a person who has struggled with the institutionalized church, who has fought for a relationship with God that is real and personal, and who is trying to live an authentic life.

i saw much of myself in the author. many of the questions or issues that i've had with christianity he has also encountered. and at the same time, i saw what i want to be. i want to know how to put the story of my faith in words that a regular person will understand. i want my life with Christ to put me on a path where people who don't know Christ, or care about God, can actually have a relationship with me.

i, like the author, grew up in a christian home, and had a christian life. i had some unusual experiences living overseas and all, but in all, i really was pretty sheltered. i didn't know many people who were not christians. my life as a christian was so different that when i finally started meeting people who don't believe in God, i really had no idea of how to relate.

and truthfully, i was stifled within that bubble. when i finally got out, i found that in general i prefer to be around people who don't believe in God. The author talks about living like a hippie in the woods for a month, and how he found love and acceptance and authenticity with that community. that's how i feel about my encounters with most people who don't believe in God.

and this is very strange, because the community of believers is supposed be a place of love and refuge - we as Christ-followers are supposed to be known by the way that we love each other. all too often this is not what we are known for.

another thing i found very interesting was the way the author framed his story about coming to believe in God. i often wonder how best to communicate what a relationship with God means to me, to others who are from my generation. the author, i felt, at least has a place that a person could legitimately start to communicate what that means - he starts with his own depravity. and i think that that's the place that you almost have to start.

and that's where i have a little argument in my head with my dad... because he would say that's really human-centered, and that really, reality is God-centered. but that's where i would say that we no longer live in a world that is even close to being monotheistic or God-centered, so to start with who God is is to start at a place that my generation can't reach. you almost have to start with apologetics, and build a broader foundation than can be found in simply explaining who God has said that he is.

i don't know... i'm still thinking about that - trying to work that all out. but i was encouraged to read a story that gave me an arguable place to start the conversation.

so i would recommend the book - if only to get a handle on culture, on how one person (who may be representative of many of his generation) is walking out his faith.