Longing for connection

One thing that seems to be common among people of the pomo generation (post-modern) is their longing for relationships with others that are deep, and real, and personal. As I look back over my first few posts, that relational value just screams out at me. And personality-wise, I'm not even that people-oriented a person.

But my generation seems to value relationships, above almost anything else. We are longing for relationships - looking for them wherever we can find them.

Why is that, do you think? I have theories, of course - many of them.

Is it because we live in an individualistic society, where we have been taught that it is me, and me alone, that I ought to worry about? We value ourselves - our own beliefs and ideas above those of others. When making decisions we look first to see how it will affect ourselves, and those closest to us, before looking to others. This is very different from the community-centered cultures of Asia. Is this what separates us from others?

And what about technology, and the advances of our culture? We are becoming more & more a mobile society. We no longer stay at our jobs for our whole careers, but move from place to place. We move from city to city, or state to state, with far more abandon than our forefathers. Transportation has made this possible. And technology also provides us with a forum to be known in ways that are less than holistic. By writing on a blog you may be getting to know my inner self... but what do you really know about who I am as a whole person? What do you know about my true personality? Technology allows you to see but a fragment of my being, and that is all you know.

Technology also allows us to be much more self-sufficient. I have my own car. I buy my food at the grocery store rather than growing it in my backyard. I have everything that I need at my fingertips, and if I don't have it, I can buy it. This consumer culture has made me believe that all I need is money, and all my needs will be taken care of - at least all my physical needs. But because I don't have physical needs that I cannot meet myself, I am never forced to move outside of myself & build relationships. I do not have need of a community in the same way that past generations have.

And what about the general breakdown of the family unit? More and more families are divorced, blended, single-parent. We have learned unhealthy relationship patterns from our parents. And as a result of our parents' trauma, we are traumatized people, who often do not know how to have healthy relationships ourselves. So because we value relationships, we try, often with a lot of passion and spirit. But often we do not find what we are looking for, because we do not even know where to begin.

I am sure that I only begin to scratch the surface, and that it's not just one of these reasons, but a combination of all of them and others that have led my generation to the place that we are. We are longing for relationships. We value relationships above everything. But we are not finding them. We do not know where to look. And even when we find relationships, we don't know how to make them work.

This is where the church needs to be found at work. This is what the church needs to provide. If we can figure out how to make our church community a place where people can come & truly connect, we will go far in reaching this generation. We need to have a place where people can come, and be real. Gone should be the days where people come to church and feel like they have to wear their nicest clothes, and hide all their problems from the others in the pews. The church needs to be a place that real people are comfortable being. And the only way that will happen is if the people in church start acting like real people.