Skin Deep

From a really young age I did not understand the fascination that our culture has with outward beauty. To me, the thought of building a whole relationship on what another person looks like seemed incomprehensible. For marriage in particular, that is supposed to last forever, how can a relationship based on physical attraction last? Everyone gets older, starts looking more worn, aged. What will make that relationship last when the beauty fades?

When I was a teenager, I made a conscious choice to develop my inner person rather than my outward beauty. When I had extra time and energy, I didn't put it into what I look like on the outside, rather I strove to become a beautiful person on the inside. I did this somewhat to spite the cultural mores that I found. I intentionally chose to go my own direction. If I was ever going to be loved, I would be loved for who I am, and not what I look like.

At the same time, I did experiments with attraction. I remember intentionally directing my emotions toward a certain person - asking, "could I control my attraction, if I tried?" And I found that I could. My feelings toward another person are directly related to what I think about them, how much I think about them, and what attributes I give them in my own mind. If I think positive things about them, then I have positive feelings for them. If I dwell on the negitive aspects of their personality, then my attraction toward them wanes. This was another death knell for the place of physical attraction on my list of important things. I can control it. Attraction does not dictate for me the people with whom I spend time.

But the whole situation makes me sad for two reasons. First, I am sad because there are a lot of great people out there who are not being given the chance to be known and loved, to know and love. These people are being excluded, criticized, and looked down upon because of how they look. Maybe they are unkempt, maybe they're too fat, maybe their teeth are yellow - whatever the reason, they are not up to par with where they should be, and are not even to the point where they could be. And they are judged. And the truth is, everyone misses out. But there is hope. In heaven, things will be turned upside down. Those who are beautiful on the inside, who have worked to submit to Jesus and to become more like him - they will be called the beautiful. In the eternal economy, they will be the ones who are praised.

I am also sad because when I come into contact with those who measure everything by outward appearance, I lose all respect for them. Their value system has become a barrier to my ability to have a relationship with thim. I wish that I could say that I am a better person than that, but I am not. I don't even want to take the time to get to know someone who measures value in this way. That makes me sad.