to prosecute or not to prosecute...

i've been trying to imagine what it would be like to spend a summer in a prosecutor's office. i got another job offer in the mail this weekend (the govt doesn't call, they write...). i actually have to set up one more interview, but i don't think i could do anything to ruin it at this point.

speaking of interviews... i really thought i bombed this one. i went in to the interview, and the guy proceeded to ask me about what i would do as a prosecutor in 3 different factual situations. i thought i did awful. because i kept wanting more information. and i wanted to be able to see the people he was talking about - to see if they were believable. i learned that day how much my discretion as a prosecutor/lawyer will be dependent on my ability to gauge people's actions & reactions - their body language, tone of voice, and a million other things. so i could barely answer the questions. in the end i felt i had to explain my inability to answer. i was up-front with the guy. i guess it all worked out.

so anyway - i've been imagining what it would be like to walk into a courtroom for my first case... the fear, the excitement. in one way i feel like i absolutely don't know enough to walk into a courtroom - i mean, just the procedural stuff is enough to give me a headache. but it would be intensely practical, very stretching, and would totally give me the chance to learn the types of things you can't learn in a classroom.

in my daydreams i can't figure out what personality i would have in the courtroom. i am a performer - i can be very dramatic. i also am inherently believable - people look at me & think trustworthy... but i'm also soft-spoken. people underestimate my strength & the strength of my beliefs. i'd have to work on that, i think. as an advocate you have to believe that what you're arguing is true - and if you don't believe it, you at least have to convince everyone else that you do.

the real question i have is whether i would be confident or hesitant. i'd be hesitant at first, to be sure. but would i ever get past that, past my inhibitions? i don't know. if i did, i think i could learn to be good at being a prosecutor.

i can't deny that i love to read & study & be by myself for hours. it's very tempting to try to find a job where i could do that all the time. it would be so much easier to stay in my comfort zone and find a job like that. there's not much of a risk of failure there. but long term i do need some interaction. i only like to study inasmuch as it has an effect on real life. and i do love to be stretched & forced to grow. being comfortable tends to make me apathetic.

so... to prosecute or not to prosecute... that's the question.