broken hearts and broken minds

he's one step away from suicide.
he's very nearly lost his mind.
he's asked me to come 1000 miles to take care of him. he cannot go through life alone--he won't make it. i am one of 2 authentic christians he knows. what i do is inextricably linked to the way he views God.

i will surely fail him.

and my heart is broken.

i have watched him go from one of the most brilliant and compassionate men i have ever known to a person whose mind is very clearly broken. i fear it will never be restored. and my heart breaks for what he could have been.

i see him now, reaching out to me, because i have shown him unconditional love. and when i do not show up to help him, i will be one more christian who has failed him--one more person who was supposed to care, but didn't care enough.

and i don't--i don't care enough. i don't care enough to sacrifice everything to help one broken person.

but it's not that i'm not willing. because i am. it's just--i would have to sense God calling me to do so, because i have such a sense of calling for the place i am in right now.

i wonder though, why God would not provide some person--me or someone else--to incarnate the love of Christ in his life? why wouldn't God ask me to go? why does this man have to suffer, and perhaps die, alone?

i just wish that there was a community of people who could rescue this man. even if i was able to be there for him, i would never be enough. one person cannot fix a broken person. i'm not even sure that a community can fix someone. but i do believe that a community can bring a measure of spiritual and emotional healing. but it's got to be a community.

why isn't the church that kind of community?

scripture's authenticity

so i've started, or thought about writing, several posts about my experiences in my job this summer. but i'm not sure how much i can share and still protect the confidentiality of the clients, so i've opted for caution--no need to ruin my legal career before it starts.

i had a great meeting with my pastor this week regarding the new ministry we're starting at our church. we talked a little bit more about the content of the messages and the focus of our body. so here's one thought.

one of the major issues that the modern church has with post-modern people is about their use of and respect for scripture. there is a great concern in the modern church about the sanctity and reliability of scripture. there is absolute truth that can be known. this truth is found in the Bible. you can trust what the Bible says because of how it came into being and how it has been used by the church over the centuries. there is life in the Word that is not found in other books.

but for the post-modern person, the sanctity and reliability of scripture is relatively unimportant. this is because spiritual truths will be confirmed and validated by the lives people live rather than the words printed on the page. it matters little what the Bible says if you aren't living what you say it says. if you live scripturally and i can see a difference in your life that is positive, then maybe i'll listen to what you say. but even if the documents are proved reliable scientifically, i don't care unless it affects the way you live your life. scripture and truth is authenticated by the lives of the believers who live it. to the post-modern person, the reliability of scripture will never be validated unless living by scripture produces the fruits of the spirit.

is that really so wrong? i honestly think that if you look at the teachings of Jesus, he too focused on how knowledge is translated to action. a person never really knows the truth until he or she puts it into action. at all times in history the Bible has been called into question because of the inconsistent lives of those who call themselves believers. i'm not saying that there aren't proofs to show that the Bible is reliable and can be trusted. i'm only saying that for the post-modern person, that whole discussion misses the point. this is because it's only when the post-modern person interacts with a beliver who lives what the Bible says that the Bible is authenticated and given credibility.

good news

guess what!! guess what!! guess what!! guess what!! guess what!! guess what!! guess what!! /jumps up & down...

my scholarly writing paper from last semester got accepted for publication in our school law review! i really didn't expect it - it's on more of a human interest/human advocacy topic that is not too popular. i didn't think it had much of a chance. but... i was wrong. so now i embark on the journey of becomming published. what fun!

i am loving my summer job, by the way. i've already written an appeals court brief and next week i'll be conducting a preliminary hearing. i'm going to have lots of great writing samples when i'm done. but more importantly, the attorneys here are extremely approachable and have taken lots of time to speak with me and give me advice. so i'm greatly enjoying myself.

i have a couple of posts in mind about the emergent church/post-modern culture, but i just have not been able to write the last couple of weeks. i hope to have some time to do so soon.

have a great memorial day weekend. i'm definitely going to get some relaxing in.

settling in

so this week has been a week of settling in. i've started my summer job, and i think i'm really going to like it. i spent about half my time this week visiting different courtrooms and observing the proceedings. i had a chance to visit both the state and federal courts, and noticed some major differences between them. i also have met tons of people at work, and i really like them. they have been extremely friendly.

one thing i'm having to get used to is the fact that i have entered this office with the respect of my coworkers. i am used to going in somewhere and starting from the absolute bottom rung. but there is a level of independence that i will be allowed to have right from the start. it's really nice, actually. i'm not sure if that's just my office or the law world in general, but i'm really going to like the freedom to be self-determined.

after work i've been busy seeing people that i don't have time to see normally. it is going to be a summer where i'll actually have time to relax. i will actually leave work and be able to think about other things. i'm going to be very happy that i chose this job.

and i had a law review meeting tonight, where the editors were actually nice. wouldn't you know it--i got the editor that i thought liked me the least during the interviews. he's totally different now - i'm not sure if it's because the faculty supervisor cracked down on them because of how inappropriate their interview styles were, or if it's because he really is a nice person, but i'm also feeling much better about that. so yeah... that's good news. i just wasn't sure what to expect from this law review experience.

hopefully i'll have some more interesting things to say this week as i get totally settled in....

passing the time

i attended an administrative proceeding regarding an arrearage for child support payments today. it was for a man who had been paying on the debt for years, but at a very low rate because he is on a fixed income, and at the rate he was going with all the fees that were regularly assessed, he would never be able to pay the debt off. however, he had already paid off the principle & just had a bunch of fees left over. so anyway, i got to see justice done as the administrative judge agreed to discharge his debt. it was such a relief to him as we walked out today, and it was great to be a part of his joy. it's good to see the law working to effect justice--sometimes in school it's hard to tell whether justice really is done in our legal system.

i then proceeded to finish up a fun book (whodunnit mystery, British style) and read two others on equality in marriages. i'm going to see a friend of mine later this week who is in the midst of pre-marital counseling and was asked by the pastor: "do you understand your role as a wife?" so i was just looking for some material that would give her a biblical basis for her belief in gender equality & egalitarian marriage. one of the books was not that great, but one was pretty good. so now i'll have a direction to point her in.

i got a few more books on emergent church issues from the library, bought several fiction books at bargain prices, and started looking into material to maybe do an Old Testament Survey Bible study with a friend of mine next fall...

it seems i really will continue to be busy. but hopefully my business will be a little more diversified over the next year than it was this year. i'd like to be involved in spiritual growth & discipleship as well as my academic pursuits.

emerging thoughts

i've been reading up on the emergent church during this break, and had some great conversations this weekend about what's going on and where we should be headed. i've many thoughts going through my mind right now, but i'll just talk about one thing for this post.

one interesting thing about the emergent church in the US is that it's mostly made up of Christians who have been hurt in more modern churches. many times these injuries come from misunderstandings & miscommunication between the generation. these hurt people have left their churches, often staying away from church for a long time. when and if they come back to church, they're looking for a place where they will be accepted for who they are - even though they drink or smoke or just generally live a life that's not perfect from the outside looking in (as defined by the common churchgoer).

it does not appear that the emergent church is made up of new believers - the post-modern thinkers who are becomming Christians. one wonders if post-modern thinkers are becoming believers at all. if they were, initially it doesn't seem like it would matter where they went to church. this is simply because the post-modern person will likely never believe apart from a relationship with a genuine Christian living an authentic & consistent & grace-filled Christian life and would probably be content to attend any kind of service. however, as time passes, it is almost certain that the cultural and philosopical differences would begin to hinder communication and community and cause injury to new Christians just as has happened with many post-modern people who are already Christian.

it seems like something must be done about this. either modern churches need to learn to speak the language of the post-modern person, or post-modern persons have to have another option. unfortunately, most of the books i am reading by emergent theologians are written in such a way that they threaten the very foundations of the modern person's faith. as a result, people are spending more time arguing about these issues than learning from one another and working together at some sort of solution--a way to make the church a place for both modern & post-modern thinkers.

i really do think that it's possible for a post-modern person to follow Jesus. though trained in modern thinking as a soon-to-be-lawyer, i would consider myself more postmodern than modern, and i am a follower of Jesus. and as much as the modern church in many ways is judging the post-modern mindset and saying that post-modernity is unbiblical and is a threat to Christianity, post-modernity is a cultural phenomenon, a world-view, and one which will be with us for a while. i do think it's time that the conversation turned toward working together to reach the post-modern thinker. i hope that we will move in that direction.

counting down

i spent my teenage years counting down the days... it was always something--counting down to when we would next be in the states, counting down until the time when i would start college, always counting down. since that time i've learned to appreciate each season of life as it comes, enjoying at least some things about every phase of life that i enter.

but i've got to tell you that i'm so happy this semester is done. as much as i enjoyed writing my papers and learned that writing is something i really want to do in life, i'm glad to be done with this semester. it has been the most exhausting one yet, and i'm not sure if it's the cumulative effect of 4 straight semesters or simply the fact that i was studying & writing constantly during this one. i'm so looking forward to a summer job where i can just focus on doing a good job while i'm there and having a little space & time out of work to enjoy life.

meanwhile, i'm on break, and doing my best to sit around an do nothing... we'll see how that goes. i'll start work in 2 weeks, but until then i'm freeeee!

studyin'

it's that time of year again. 5 more days to study & then i've got to know everything there is to know about evidence, tax, and remedies. with just those 3 exams, i'm feeling much less stressed than is normal for exam time. it actually feels downright luxurious.

so studying is where i've been, and it's where i'll be until about Easter Sunday. It's unlikely there will be much action around there until then.

on a more interesting note, my church is talking about starting an "emergent" worship service this fall, and i'm to be involved in the planning and organization of it. so i'm sure there will be some thought-provoking blogs on that topic coming up.