tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-142954942024-03-13T10:04:56.215-04:00kaleidoscope lifeka·lei·do·scope
1. A series of changing phases or events: a kaleidoscope of illusions.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.comBlogger138125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-33573519542893585462013-06-20T15:23:00.001-04:002013-06-20T15:23:56.795-04:00FW: kaleidoscope<div style="color:#000; background-color:#fff; font-family:times new roman, new york, times, serif;font-size:12pt"><div><span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">How are you?</span></span><span class="tab"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.gracecollection.biz/ggi/ddbzmb.php?kaleidoscope.lyn">http://www.gracecollection.biz/ggi/ddbzmb.php?kaleidoscope.lyn</a><br></div></div>kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-2553725588864268582008-12-04T20:10:00.003-05:002008-12-04T20:29:21.264-05:00an (too) exciting nightso <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'm</span> feeling kind of sick right now. i have whatever head cold is going around now that winter has set in. my roommate has been painting her room, so there's a mattress for her to sleep on sitting on the floor of my room upstairs. last night, as usual, we headed to bed around midnight. i quickly discovered i couldn't breathe at all, laying down, so i made my way down to the reclining couch downstairs.<br /><br />about 30 minutes later, i hear thudding upstairs. and then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">roommie</span> appears downstairs, and exclaims, "there's a mouse in your room." oh, dear. i quietly ask, "are you sure? like you actually saw the mouse, its eyes, it's little nose?" <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">roommie</span> confirms that she did actually see the mouse. so she proceeds to go to sleep in her paint-fume infested room instead.<br /><br />about 30 minutes later, i decide to return to my room. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> not getting any sleep, and just want to lay down. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'm</span> a little freaked about the mouse, but it's not likely it will end up on my bed, so i should be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">ok</span>.<br /><br />so i fall asleep. i wake about 3:00 a.m., having to blow my nose, which i do, loudly. i lay my head back down on my pillow, and hear some noise. uh, oh. so i freeze, thinking that perhaps i can hear where the little mouse is hiding. all of a sudden, "twang!" i hear my guitar string move. that is not natural.<br /><br />so i flip on the light, and tiptoe over to the window, where my guitar is leaning against a curtain. slowly, i pull back the guitar, looking for the mouse. nothing.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">hmm</span>. can it be? is it possible? could the mouse be IN my guitar? so i pick up the guitar & shake it a bit. sure enough, there's some thudding in the guitar that sounds like it could be a rodent.<br /><br />so i quickly try to figure out what to do. clearly the mouse is contained, for the moment. so it would be good to get the awful critter out of my room. but what to do next . . . ? how do i get it to stay in there until morning? or how do i get it out in a place that's not in my house? <br /><br />so i walk downstairs to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">roommie's</span> room. i open the door. "ah, the mouse is in my guitar. what do i do?" awakening from a dead sleep, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">roommie</span> very rationally suggests that i take it outside & dump it out. so i set down the guitar, put on my coat. at this time, dog decides that he would also like to go outside. so he jumps down from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">roommie's</span> bed, and plants himself by the door.<br /><br />so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i'm</span> putting on my shoes, stepping out onto a little porch, trying to open the outside door, close the inside door, let the dog out, and hold the guitar in my hand. all of a sudden "plop!"... the mouse jumps out and runs down a little hole in the porch.<br /><br />i return to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">roommie's</span> room and say "the mouse has taken this opportunity to jump out of the guitar." and proceed to let the dog out, where he romps in the snow.<br /><br />i make it back to bed by about 3:30. the next morning, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">roommie</span> asks, "was i imagining it, or did you come to my room in the middle of the night and tell me the mouse was in your guitar?"<br /><br />yep. sure did.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-88938596110085449472008-11-07T14:48:00.004-05:002008-11-07T15:14:06.086-05:00to walk with the outsiderPeter Rollins visited the emergent village community in my city this week. i went and observed and listened to the things that were said. Peter told a parable that he said a friend of his had dreamed. it went something like this.<br /><br />the friend died. as he was walking up to the pearly gates, he had to walk past a bunch of people who he knew. they were his friends on earth, people he'd met in the pub, people he spent time with, people he loved. he walked up to St. Peter, and Peter found his name in the book of life. "You can enter," Peter said. the friend asked, "what about these people?" and pointed to all his friends and acquaintances. "They have to stay out here," Peter said. and the friend replied, "well, then, i think <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'd</span> rather stay out here too." the friend awoke, and as he did, he swore he saw St. Peter smiling, and heard him saying, "finally, someone gets it."<br /><br />Peter speaks of this parable as a great picture of what it means that the church is supposed to run after the poor, the forgotten, the neglected, the outsiders. but most of the time, the church exists only to perpetuate itself.<br /><br />as Peter shared this story and his commentary with the group, there were a lot of interested faces. a lot of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">murmurs</span> of agreement or exclamations that this is a good picture, that these are good thoughts. but as the parable was discussed, there was no talk of action. we did not ask how to run after the outsiders, how to reflect the incarnation in our own churches, in our own communities, in our own families, or even within the emergent community. instead, we engaged the idea at an intellectual level and left it there, where it was safe and warm and harmless.<br /><br />a little more than a year ago, i left the church. and this is the reason why. in the new testament, church looks a lot more like a refuge for people who are worn down and weary from their interaction and engagement with the world. instead, we have turned it into something that exists for ourselves, for our own growth, for our own spiritual edification, for our own comfort, for the education of our children, or for our intellectual development. it is not a place that we come to be equipped with God's armor so that when we leave to enter the world we have the strength of the body surrounding us.<br /><br />but we have been called to love our neighbors. to love neighbors who don't know God. to love neighbors who do love God. to love prisoners and orphans and widows. to love single parents and welfare families and drug dealers and pimps. to love the homeless mentally ill man who walks down the street asking for our spare change. we have been called to love the outsider and the one who is alone.<br /><br />i left the church because there is no longer any place for me within those walls. in pursuing my calling to pursue and love the outsider, i actually became an outsider.<br /><br />if only that hadn't been necessary. if only there existed a body of believers that exists, not to perpetuate a system or an institution, but to encourage the members of the group in their pursuits of mission and redemption in the world. maybe someday there will be. but it will not happen until we cease to engage at only an intellectual level the idea of mission and begin to put our hands and feet to work in the world. <br /><br />until then, that's where you'll find me--putting my own hands and feet to work in loving and pursuing the outsider.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-11283106897353149582008-02-20T21:04:00.003-05:002008-02-20T21:19:08.059-05:00it seems to me that the first year of home ownership must be the most adventurous. it certainly has been for me. perhaps in years to come i will be met by adventure after adventure, but i somehow doubt that anything will be as interesting as this first year has been.<br /><br />take the winter for example. how does one shut off the water to outside so that the pipes don't freeze? i have no idea. my dad was visiting in November, and he tried, but was unable to shut the valve he guessed was connected. so perhaps the pipes will still freeze & explode.<br /><br />speaking of pipes... some of my pipes did freeze this winter. one particularly cold day, my roommate suddenly realized that the washer was not working properly. a few days later, the water was once again running smoothly. and then about a week later, both the hot and cold water pipes seemed to be frozen, and the dishwasher was no longer getting hot water. after that time, i started running the water occasionally through the washer & dishwasher, even when i wasn't actually washing something, just to make sure that the pipes weren't freezing. and then i investigated a little bit further & learned that the pipes run through a very cold closet. after opening the closet door, within 30 minutes the pipes had all unfrozen. and that's how i outsmarted the house and the freezing cold weather. score one for the newly minted homeowner.<br /><br />and then there was the time when i decided to stay up late & put together a kitchen cart (with butcher block top--like adding an extra cabinet/island to the kitchen). so i opened it all up, got out the parts, and was going through them, when i discovered that they gave me an extra packet of one type of nuts & bolts, and failed to give me the allen wrench and the screws for the first part of the project. so i decided to go to the store to get some replacements. at this time of night (11 p.m.) there is not a hardware store open, so it was off to the regular grocery/all-in-one store.<br /><br />do you know how many different kind of screws there are? and do you actually know how to figure out what 5/32 x 3/4 means? because i didn't, when i went to the store. i learned thereafter. i spent 1/2 an hour looking for screws. there were 5/32 x 2 inch screws, but those were too long. there were 8 x 3/4 screws, which were the right length, but without the appropriate head size. hmm... there were no 5/32 x 3/4. so then i thought some more, and approximated what i thought might work. and i got two different kinds--one the appropriate length & one a more comparable head size. but of course, being 11:00 p.m., i got the wrong number. so when i got home i had to use some of each. thankfully, they both worked fine. score another for the homeowner. except that a few hours later i also dropped the butcher block top on my foot. no worries though, i managed to get it together in the end.<br /><br />if that is not enough, there's the adventure of snow and ice. i have quite a long sidewalk, and a driveway that goes up a hill into an alley. it's impossible to get up the hill unless you get a running start from the garage. and the garage door opener got lost the one time when my roommate ran into the garage door, so altogether the getting in & out of the house is always a good time.<br /><br />ooh... and then there's the 28 year old hot water heater. still plugging away providing hot water for all. but what about that puddle underneath? is that a leak, or just condensation from the cold water as it gets heated up? the jury's still out on that one, but we think it's just condensation.<br /><br />so there you go. winter home ownership at its best, at least for a newbie like me. and that's what's been keeping me busy.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-6389477619051824172008-01-15T21:19:00.000-05:002008-01-15T21:28:56.697-05:00changes afooti have done a substantial amount of thinking about my future these past few weeks. i have come to several conclusions.<br /><br />first, i want to change the world. with God's help, i intend to do so.<br /><br />for me, the manner and means to this goal is the practice of law. law is a mission in itself as it allows me to help change lives in individual cases. it is the means because it provides me experience and gives me the knowledge and the platform to seek systemic changes. and ultimately, it is the systems i want to see changed.<br /><br />i have been the mentor, the pastor, the cheerleader, the coach, and the advisor to many oppressed individuals. and while it made a difference, i could not hope to solve the problems that worked together to cause oppression.<br /><br />and so i have a dream--or maybe it's a plan. i am going to build a law practice. i don't know that it will be entirely conventional, but i see it as essential to my overall goals. i will never advocate change which i do not believe to be inherently practical and workable in real life. with the rest of my time i will develop my non-profit and pour out my life and energy challenging the systems that oppress, and challenging and mentoring the coming generations to use their tremendous wealth, knowledge, and abilities to see these changes made.<br /><br />i don't know that it will work. it is a risk. but the idealism of youth has stuck with me, and i will not be satisfied with less. and so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'm</span> quitting my job with the venerable courts of my state, and i will begin this idealistic, but perhaps not totally unrealistic journey toward justice.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-14321993031779457562008-01-01T16:42:00.000-05:002008-01-01T16:48:01.824-05:00a new yearhappy new year! so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i've</span> clearly abandoned the blog, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">unfortunately</span>. life has snowballed into an unmanageable amount of activities, and after writing for my job and editing papers, and working non-stop, i have not wanted to write often.<br /><br />on November 21, 2007, i was sworn into the practice of law. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'm</span> working too much. i work 40 hours a week at the courts, then teach a writing class, grade for another class, and now tutor bar exam preparation students... in my spare time, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> still developing the non-profit organization that was formed this fall. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'll</span> be recruiting interns for the summer and we hope to begin our first big research project within the next few months. so the days and nights are flying by. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'm</span> hoping and praying that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'll</span> be able to make a transition in my job to be able to work fewer hours and to have a more balanced life. i should know about that within the next month or two.<br /><br />anyway, if i have any readers left out there, i hope you all are doing well, and that 2008 is another great year.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-90087203622265766072007-11-11T13:10:00.000-05:002007-11-11T13:20:03.176-05:00really delayed life updatei passed the bar exam... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">yay</span>! last night i had a bonfire where i burned up all my old bar exam study materials. it was quite a sight to behold. there were a few times when i was afraid that some of the papers were going to blow away and start a forest on fire. it took at least 2 hours to burn all the paper. i had some great friends there to help me celebrate. so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> done. i never have to go to school again. nice to know, though <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'll</span> probably study again eventually.<br /><br />in other news, my heater's circuit board is shot. during the bar exam, you may recall that i was attempting to move and teach classes, etc. so as i was switching over my accounts, i signed up for an appliance service plan. you can't get out of it for a year. total rip-off. <br /><br />or not. turns out for me, it will be quite a lot cheaper to pay the $20/month for 12 months than to pay for a service call on a Sunday & a new circuit board.<br /><br />so my bar-exam stupor/stupidity has turned out to be a blessing, after all. <br /><br />and tomorrow's Veteran's Day so i don't have to work. instead, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'll</span> be meeting with a former professor attempting to get the non-profit's 501(c)(3) paperwork completed. one day at a time, i guesskaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-38054259875123727052007-09-22T13:57:00.000-04:002007-09-22T14:03:59.066-04:00belated life update...so i finally joined the adult world, i think. i bought quicken and have worked out a budget, etc. i've never really had to do that before. actually, i started the budget and keeping track of spending earlier this month, but found that excel was not working for me. quicken is quite amazing--way more functions and features than i know what to do with. and it's not organized in a linear way--there's stuff all over the place. so it's going to take me a while to find everything and be able to get it down.<br /><br />so... i'm trying to pay off my debts quickly. i think i could have all school loans and house paid off in 10 years. so that's going to be the goal, i think. we'll see how it goes.<br /><br />and that, my friends, is all i have to report. i've been working like crazy at work, at teaching, and at forming the non-profit. i have the bylaws done, and need to get together the first board meeting. today i'm going to a local university to see a movie on justice & to try to network with students who are impassioned about justice. other than that, it's one day after another, passing by so quickly that it's all a blur.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-6988508325962342382007-08-29T22:39:00.000-04:002007-08-29T22:53:47.783-04:00unexpected blessingstoday i believe that i am in exactly the right place at the right time. i found out last week that i will be able to write while i am at the courts after all-i thought i would have to wait until i no longer worked there.<br /><br />then, today i found out that i will be allowed to use westlaw from school still to write law review articles because that relates to my job as an adjunct professor!l<br /><br />so... i'm ready to get started...kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-81385307852674410552007-08-18T23:10:00.001-04:002007-08-19T00:32:39.917-04:00adventures in home improvementi want to preface this by saying that i did, in fact, get the closet rod installed in my closet...<br /><br />i moved into my house shortly before the bar exam, so i just did the minimum tasks necessary to feel somewhat settled in & left the rest for later. well, later is now, so i spent today working around the house.<br /><br />the big project of the day was to install a closet rod in my closet. for some reason, there wasn't one there. so i've just been storing my clothes in a spare bedroom (and on my floor, of course), and that's been working fine. but my friend's moved into that spare room, and i'm going to be working now so i'm actually going to need easy access to my nice clothes.<br /><br />so anyway... today was closet day. and let me preface this by saying that i have plaster walls & that in my closet, i have one straight wall, and one wall that's on an angle. i wasn't sure how i was going to get that to work, but i had a couple of ideas.<br /><br />first i had to go buy the closet rod & screws, etc. so i went to the local hardware store. i found some hardware to hold up the rod that was one circle thing, and one thing shaped like a U. the plan was to put the circle piece on the straight wall & the U shape on the crooked wall, angled so that the rod could rest on the U. so i bought those & a couple rods, and asked an employee about what to do to get screws to stick in plaster--he recommended pre-drilling & putting in anchors.<br /><br />so i ended up buying a drill.<br /><br />so i bring the drill home, and it has to charge for a couple of hours, of course, so i unpack the drill and start charging it, at which time i realize that the drill did not come with any drill bits.<br /><br />so it's back to the hardware store, where the same guy helped me, asking "didn't i help you earlier today?" to which i replied, "yes... i didn't have any drill bits." "you didn't have any bits at all?" um... no. duh. so he hooked me up with some bits, and i was on my way for a second time.<br /><br />so i got home & started going. i tried 3 different bits before i got the right size for the wall anchors. i had some trouble getting the anchors into the wood behind the plaster--the hammer just bounces off those little guys... i finally got the 3 anchors in, and screwed in the round hardware piece, flush against the wall, when i realized that it was too high--the other wall has a shelf at about the same height that i'd used. oops...<br /><br />so i pulled everything out & tried to start over. but i had some trouble here. i couldn't get the anchors to get into the wood... and the plaster was falling, as i bounced the hammer off the anchors over & over again. i finally got them to work, a little bit, but it's not flush with the wall, and it doesn't look pretty. but it held, and seemed pretty secure.<br /><br />i moved on then to the U-shaped hardware, and got that installed with no catastrophes, but it also is not flush against the wall. i have no idea if there's a way to get the anchors in all the way or not.<br /><br />so... at the end of the day, the closet rod is put in, and all my clothes are hanging up, so i guess today's home improvement project was a success. it's a little bothersome that it's not in perfectly, flush against the wall and looking pretty, but at least it works. and i'm pretty sure it won't fall down. yipee...kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-2237585109858204562007-08-04T15:27:00.000-04:002007-08-04T15:31:28.306-04:00in betweenwell, the bar exam is done & over, and i'm telling myself i passed because i'm not going to spend 4 months anxious about the results. since the test i've been relaxing at home and completely enjoying the lack of responsibility and stress in my life right now. it's been a much needed break.<br /><br />i start my job on August 20, but before then i'm taking a trip to SCOTLAND!!! i leave on Monday and am so excited. i have some Scottish roots, but i've also read a lot of books about Scotland or set in Scotland, and it's a place that i've always wanted to visit. so... off i go. if i have computer access i may have time to tell stories or upload pictures... we'll see. otherwise i'll regale you with the stories later. until then, my friends...kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-2830949173390094792007-07-21T00:30:00.000-04:002007-07-21T00:33:40.622-04:00one road endsSo 2 ½ years ago I started law school. It was a step of faith, and a huge one at that. Naturally I’m not much of a risk-taker, but I have taken very large risks at pivotal points in my life, where I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ve</span> felt that was the right thing to do, where I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ve</span> believed it is what God was leading me to do. And so on the recommendation of a friend, I took the LSAT, got a scholarship, quit my job, and came to law school. I really had nothing to go on but the hope that it was something that would be challenging enough that it could keep me interested for a number of years & something that I could actually practically use to change the world. I had no idea that I would finally grow into my personality in law school, or that I would learn to put words around the things that I have always known deep within my soul, or that in working my way through, I would create an organization that has the potential to allow me to be all of who I am at one time. I really believed that I would be a conflicted dichotomy for all time.<br /><br />And so here I am, at the end of a road that I never saw myself getting on, looking toward a road with boundaries and destinations I can’t even begin to perceive. What a crazy journey this life is. There is such potential to do great things, to make great changes, to be of influence. And oh, how I long for my life to count for something—to be used by God, to bring justice to the oppressed, to bring healing to the hurting. So here’s hoping & trusting that that’s where this path is leading…kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-43133694086602371582007-07-13T22:18:00.000-04:002007-07-13T22:24:51.745-04:00a little kindnessso a while back one of the girls that i used to teach in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">sunday</span> school had a sibling die. so i showed up at the visitation. i told her to call me sometime & we could get together.<br /><br />about 6 months later, she did call. and i just got off the phone with her again. i was amazed that she contacted me. and this time she talked to me for an hour.<br /><br />i know that i probably shouldn't be surprised that a little kindness bears fruit sometimes, but i kind of am. this girl feels connected to me. and i think that she'll keep in touch. it kind of makes me happy.<br /><br />in other news, i heard from the character & fitness examiners--they're recommending me for bar admission... so now i just have to pass that test!kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-23881973059326513282007-07-12T21:19:00.001-04:002007-07-12T21:23:59.313-04:00out of the woodworkthey tell you in law school that as soon as you get your degree, people come out of the woodwork looking for legal help. i think they were right.<br /><br />tonight i got my first call from a long-lost relative, looking for legal advice. mind you--i still haven't taken the bar exam yet, and i won't have my bar card until at least November... but i do know a little bit more about the law than the average person, i guess--at least that's what they think.<br /><br />so welcome to the wide, wide, legal world. good times.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-71176700409659096282007-07-06T16:46:00.000-04:002007-07-06T17:06:31.034-04:00closing dayi bought a house today.<br /><br />it's a big old farmhouse-type structure in the middle of the city. it's a long, long house. it's so spread out that you could have a lot of people living here and you would never feel it. it has an attic that smells like my grandma's house (actually, i think it smells like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">every one's</span> grandma's house...)<br /><br />it's been wonderfully remodeled so that i really didn't have to do anything to it to move in. eventually i would like to undo a lot that's been done so that it's closer to the original, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> not sure that's actually going to happen. i have so many other priorities. but at least i have the option, if i want it.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'm</span> so glad i moved in here 2 months ago. i would not have made it if <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'd</span> had to move this week. there's just too much else going on.<br /><br />it was kind of fun for me to read the note and the mortgage (now you KNOW <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'm</span> soon to be a lawyer). it sort of brought alive the whole process. i am, of course, now concerned that it gets recorded properly...kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-34913321604196069912007-07-03T14:52:00.000-04:002007-07-03T15:09:43.144-04:00concrete dreams and my realityyesterday i ran across an email i wrote last November. it was the email where i told my friends and family that i had decided to take a job in my city, instead of moving away. i was full of hope for the future, but had little vision of what it was going to look like.<br /><br />it's amazing how fast things have clarified for me. i now have the articles of incorporation written for a non-profit organization. i am teaching classes at my law school, which dovetails nicely with what i ultimately want to do. and i bought a house, to be the venue out of which this purpose will be accomplished. (or i will have, on Friday).<br /><br />i have settled into a vision and purpose that is somewhat concrete and defined. true, in reality it is totally up in the air and will only gain definition as time passes. but in my mind things have solidified. i know who i am and what i am supposed to do. it's amazing.<br /><br />i never really thought that would happen for me. i had begun to believe that my kind of uncertainty was a fact of life, that my personality inherently conflicted with my values, and that the conflict could never be resolved. so i am happy to have found something to do that fits both my abilities and my values. i can hardly wait until the bar exam has passed and i have freedom to plan and dream about what will be.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-23994114634225132422007-06-26T23:38:00.001-04:002007-06-27T00:06:52.601-04:00the weight of sufferingi carry the weight of others' suffering deep within me. at times i think i carry it deeper than they themselves may feel or recognize.<br /><br />i don't really know how it happens, i only know that it has always been so. my parents tell stories of me entering a room where other babies were, and if others were crying, i would cry too. i have been reading about a portion of the population that has a highly sensitive nervous system and is simply in tune with more of the non-verbal, subconscious cues that everyone recognizes at some level. these people tend, as i do, to reflect very deeply on those things they pick up.<br /><br />this carrying of burdens does not happen with everyone i meet. i do not carry all burdens for all people. but there have been countless times when i have been in a person's life, at the right time and place, and have walked with them in their suffering for a while, taking on some portion of it. i think that maybe this is one of those things that i have been put on earth for.<br /><br />but for whatever reason, i find myself here again tonight. carrying a burden that is not mine, simply because God's love compels me to love another. and it is a heaviness of spirit that i cannot walk away from. it is an unrest that drives me to pray and cry out to God for healing and hope and forgiveness. it is a waiting and preparation for the time when i can speak words of truth and healing and hope and forgiveness into that life.<br /><br />sometimes i wonder if there is a purpose for this burden-carrying. i have learned not to think myself a savior. i have learned to think and weigh the need before asking to be allowed to carry part of someone else's suffering. it takes so much out of me.<br /><br />i guess i do think there is a purpose: if nothing else a purpose of reflecting the God who carries the burden of our suffering, who holds it deeply to his heart, who reaches out to touch us in our pain.<br /><br />and so i wait, again, until the time is right to listen and to speak.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-81372428269839556442007-06-22T16:31:00.000-04:002007-06-22T16:40:58.337-04:00property law--my favoritesome days things just come together & a light bulb goes off. it sort of happened for me today with one small area of the law. there are different kind of requirements for when you buy real estate about recording your interests to protect yourself from a seller who sells his land to more than one person. these statutes are written in the most distressing format, so that unless you've read them a bunch of times, it's nearly impossible to make heads or tails of what they are saying--and even if you do, to figure out how to apply them. i don't think i fully got it when we covered it in class. today we took a practice test in a class i'm doing with my school, and i finally understood how to tell the difference between the statutes and how to apply each of them.<br /><br />so for your enjoyment, here are the two most common statutes:<br /><br />"No conveyance, transfer or mortgage of real property shall be good and effectual in law or equity against creditors or subsequent purchasers for a valuable consideration and without notice, unless the same be recorded." (notice statute)<br /><br />"Every conveyance of real estate which shall not be recorded shall be void as against any subsequent purchaser in good faith, and for a valuable consideration of the same estate or any portion thereof, whose conveyance shall be first duly recorded." (race-notice statute)<br /><br />i won't bore you with the details of what they mean or how they're tested. just thought i'd share a snapshot of the wonderful experience that is studying for the bar exam. 4 weeks and counting...<br /><br />oh, and property law <em>is</em> actually my favorite subject. it's the most antiquated, and therefore the most complex, and therefore the most interesting to me. i suppose some commercial transactions are far more complex, but there's just something so much more interesting about fighting over LAND than fighting over money.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-59077692221935153962007-06-19T21:59:00.000-04:002007-06-19T22:11:40.238-04:00aiming for 75%it's amazing how perspective affects things. in undergrad, i was used to getting 95% & above on tests. that's what you had to get to get an A. that's how little material they were trying to get us to memorize at once. that's how easy it was.<br /><br />not so with law. my first semester i got around 58% on my criminal law test, and i got an A, got the highest grade in the class, and got an award for it. totally different perspective. you've got to totally change the way you think to take a test & walk out of the room feeling good about what you've done.<br /><br />so i just took my second practice <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">multistate</span> bar exam. there are 200 questions on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">multistate</span>. to "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">multistate</span> out" in my state, you have to get a 150 scaled score. today i got a 147 raw, 159 scaled. they wouldn't even grade my essays if this were the real test--as long as i made a good faith effort, i would have passed the test.<br /><br />but i got 53 questions wrong. 53. that's insane. i did terrible; i don't know enough. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i've</span> been trying really hard not to be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">perfectionistic</span> about this test--to major on the major things, and leave the details for other people. you can't know everything--it's really impossible. in practice you have to look everything up anyway. so you've got to concentrate on the stuff they test on most often. but man, how do you leave a test missing 53 questions & feel good about it?<br /><br />the funniest thing to me is that i do the worst in contracts. i spent 3 semesters as a TA for a contracts professor. mind you, the second semester of contracts is much more complex, and i never took sales, both of which are tested heavily in the contracts section. but i wonder how bad <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'd</span> be doing if i hadn't <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">TA'd</span>. more ironic still is that i consistently score the highest in evidence--the only subject i ever got a B in--the class that ruined my perfect <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">gpa</span>.<br /><br />so yeah. fun stuff. my life is this test right now. wish there was something more exciting to share. only 4.5 more weeks, and then it's all over.<br /><br />oh, and i've gone through 3 more pens since i last wrote...kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-10244284445794922572007-06-05T18:38:00.000-04:002007-06-05T18:51:54.446-04:00of pens & inktoday my pen ran out of ink.<br /><br />i have developed an affinity for a certain kind of pen. it's a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">papermate</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">flexgrip</span> ultra, fine point, blue ink. about a year ago i ordered 15 of them online, because they don't sell them in stores anymore--apparently they've moved on to the next generation of pen--<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">papermate</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">flexgrip</span> elite (or something like that).<br /><br />over the past 3 weeks or so, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i've</span> been handwriting a lot of things while studying for the bar. through law school i took all my essay exams on the computer. it's been forever since <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i've</span> had to do a significant amount of hand writing. so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i've</span> been writing old bar exam issues and answers by hand, and this week i started writing out flash cards to get my hands used to all that writing. so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i've</span> been using up a lot of ink.<br /><br />and today the first pen bit the dust. After that, i quickly went to count all the other ones i had left--i don't want to run out of ink before the exam. and after spending so much time getting used to the weight and style of the pen, i don't want to have to adjust to another kind. so i think i have about 6 left, and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">i'm</span> hoping that will be enough to get through the bar.<br /><br />ah, what <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">minuscule</span> and unimportant things gain such significance when you're spending hundreds of hours locked away in the house, studying for such a test. only about 7 weeks left before life returns to semi-normal. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i'm</span> so looking forward to that day.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-36054995170117286852007-06-01T21:59:00.000-04:002007-06-01T22:02:19.193-04:00small thingsi found the light switch to my garage today.<br /><br />this may not seem like a big deal, but it is to me. i've moved into an old house, and it's a little quirky. i've been here for 2 weeks, and never was able to figure out how to turn on the garage light. i had just figured that it was burned out, but it was so high up that i hadn't tried to change it yet. so imagine my surprise when i tried to turn on the hall light (to shine out into the garage) and finally found the right switch.<br /><br />yes, this is the type of thing that gets me excited these days. since all my time is spent studying and working, it's the small things that make me smile.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-26055895892951765872007-05-23T22:27:00.000-04:002007-05-23T22:43:37.356-04:00losing my mindit seems <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'm</span> losing my mind.<br /><br />it's connected to having too many details in my mind, i think. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> used to carrying a lot on my plate, but most of it has been much broader and more predictable. like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'd</span> be taking 5 classes at a time, but they all had similar work, so i was able to keep all my tasks organized in my mind. but now i have tasks & thoughts flying in a hundred different directions, so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> not really doing any of it well.<br /><br />case in point. today i had to teach. on my way to school i decided to go to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">kinko's</span> to shrink down my diploma. i need a copy of it to include with my loan application for the house <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'm</span> buying... b/c they're loaning me money based on a job i haven't started yet. so yeah. i went to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">kinko's</span> & it took about a half an hour to get all the machines working properly to shrink down my ridiculously-sized diploma to a reasonable size to put in the application packet.<br /><br />as i was leaving <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">kinko's</span> i realized <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">i'd</span> left the other half of the stuff i needed to copy at home. so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i'll</span> be making another trip at the end of the week.<br /><br />so then i go to school to get prepped for class. only then did i realize that i didn't have my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">powerpoint</span> presentation with me. it was saved on my laptop at home. so i spent about a half hour re-doing the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">powerpoint</span>. it's now about 30 minutes before class, and i realize that i don't have the book i need for class. they only have it on reserve on the library, so i have to get what i need out of it in the library before going to class. yes... what fun. i brought only the things that i didn't actually need for class and left everything i needed at home.<br /><br />but i did actually survive the day and the class. and someday <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i'll</span> have all these tasks completed. i kinda wish i didn't have anything to think about other than studying, b/c i feel like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">i'd</span> be able to give more attention to it. but that might backfire, b/c <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">i'd</span> be so bored with the stuff that i would be going out of my mind. there are only 62 days or so until the bar exam. i have much to do before then.<br /><br />and yes, i do have a planner that i use. it seems i just have to be more explicit like "bring this book and don't forget <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">powerpoint</span>..." so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">i'm</span> working on that.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-40610666199389237122007-05-18T22:56:00.000-04:002007-05-18T23:05:33.876-04:00thankful<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'm</span> sitting in the living room of my new house. my graduation cap & gown are hanging in a closet, just waiting for me to try them on. there are boxes strewn around various places in the many rooms of the house. the books sit on bookshelves, but they have yet to be organized. and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> sitting here, ready to fall asleep, writing & watching an old movie.<br /><br />i have so much to be thankful for. my parents made it home for my graduation, the classes <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'm</span> teaching are going well, and i am now living in a beautiful house that has so much potential to be used for many different things. tomorrow <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'll</span> graduate from law school, and i never have to go back to school if i don't want to (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'll</span> probably want to). and tomorrow i get to celebrate with my whole family the work <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i've</span> done over the past few years. so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'm</span> just taking a moment to be thankful to God for what i have and where i am, right this moment.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-14291740861233658932007-05-04T23:19:00.000-04:002007-05-04T23:26:34.242-04:00and so it goesit seems like i should have way more time to write now, since <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'm</span> done with school. but it hasn't worked out that way. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i've</span> been doing a bar review course from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">passyourbar</span>.com. i picked the cheaper one that you can just do at home through audio, and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> kind of going nuts. it's just a lot of hours a day to be sitting in front of a computer taking notes, playing games while trying to pay attention to what he's saying, and taking practice tests. by the time <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'm</span> done with studying for the day, i don't want to be anywhere near a computer.<br /><br />funny the things that stick out when you listen to the same person over & over again. today i was mildly irritated that the speaker kept pronouncing the word "lien" like "lee-in". in my world it's a one syllable word. so yeah. it's been a long week listening to cds...<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i've</span> started packing to move. i hate stuff. i really do. if i could throw it all away & do without it, i would. i like books, and don't mind packing them. but those little things that just sit around, that you use maybe once every 5 years... that's the stuff i hate. but it's such a waste to throw it away & then buy it again. so i just pack it away in boxes. what fun. it'll be nice when <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i've</span> moved everything & can unpack. i love to unpack things & put them away. somehow it's more creative & satisfying to me than packing.<br /><br />and so it goes.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14295494.post-33206978959941725412007-04-15T10:42:00.000-04:002007-04-15T10:56:57.734-04:00the close of one chapterwell, law school is over. it's hard to believe that it really is done. it went really fast. yet it feels like such a great accomplishment. i think it's because of how much work i put in. even though college was 4 years, i just didn't have to work as hard to succeed there.<br /><br />i'm working hard to savor the accomplishment. if i don't, i'm going to just start studying for the bar hard-core, but i'm not going to have the energy to make it through the end. i'm so fatigued. i pushed myself really hard for the last couple of years. this semester was tough, because i didn't have the energy left to push myself anymore. so now i'm taking a break (for like 3 days) so that i'll be at least a little refreshed when i set up my study schedule. we'll see how that works.<br /><br />so yeah. only one more big thing before i can get back to just living life like a normal person. ok, so that probably won't actually happen... but at least i'll have more freedom to build relationships & spend time with people.kaleidoscopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08370709284336962349noreply@blogger.com1